“You took the easy way out”

These words are the most feared words to someone who has had bariatric surgery. Why? There is a misconception that choosing to get surgery instead of just “eating better and working out” is a simpler, lazier, and quicker alternative.

I have heard from so many people in my bariatric community that they’ve heard these dreadful words. Since my surgery in February 2020, I only heard it once and it was in July 2021. And I was floored.

BULLSHIT
IT IS NOT THE EASY WAY TO LOSE WEIGHT

It was by far one of the hardest things I have had to endure in my roller coaster adult life with way too many traumas for one human to have.

I have been overweight my entire life. I have been on every diet known to man. I wreaked havoc on my metabolism, so much so that it was broken.

My heart was also broken. My chest always felt like it was under a pile of bricks. I went to a cardiologist in September 2019 to find out what could be causing this. I then received the most devastating news: I had Grade 3 diastolic dysfunction. My heart was struggling to relax as fast as the blood was coming through. This was the start of congestive heart failure and I was 39 years old with 3 year old twins and a loving husband.

I needed help STAT

My team of doctors all agreed that I needed to have the surgery. I without a doubt agreed and had surgery in February 2020. The recovery was brutal. Imagine being on a 6 week liquid only diet. Then reintroducing soft textured foods for 2 weeks and then slowly adding back solid foods. Your mental state is challenged during this time from feeling amazing, exhausted, frustrated, defeated, and sometimes down right angry. All while praying to god that you don’t projectile vomit, dry heave, deal with constipation, or even worse explosive diarrhea. And let’s not forget recovering from MAJOR SURGERY.

To the naysayers, I double dog dare you to follow this “diet” and tell me that I took the easy way out.

Finding the Good - One Protein Shake at a Time

THIS WAS TAKEN FROM MY INSTAGRAM PERSONAL ACCOUNT.

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March 4, 2020

I’ll be honest, yesterday wasn’t a great day. The twins were home recovering from the cold, I was hurting from my spring cleaning, and I was frustrated about my eating situation.
I’ve been on a liquid diet for almost 6 weeks and desperately want to move into the next stage of eating.

Comparison is truly the thief of joy when you google other clinics with shorter transition times.

And then I was angry. Angry that I couldn’t but in all reality, I *could have just eaten the food and ignored my doctor’s instruction.
But then I’d be emotionally eating. Choosing to eat instead of acknowledging that there are feelings that need to be felt. And not by a full belly.
So I didn’t and shared my feelings with my amazingly supportive hubby and didn’t eat the darn food. I call this my tiny victory.

Each day may not be the best one but finding the good despite it all makes it feel a whole lot better

Achievement Unlocked: Onederland

THIS WAS TAKEN FROM MY INSTAGRAM PERSONAL ACCOUNT.

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March 1, 2020

Onederland - this magical and seemingly unattainable place when you’re overweight. To be under 200 lbs is a hard fought battle for many that fight in silence.

In my adulthood, I can count on 1 hand how many times I’ve been under 200. .

Today, I entered onederland, knowing full well that I will forever stay here. .

I soaked this monumental moment and then started to cry. Tears of joy along with those of pain and sadness for all of the years that I had struggled.

Today of this 1st of March, I embrace who I was and who I am becoming.
Are you embracing all the “onederful” things that you are and envision all the things you want to be? Now is your time ❤️

Making it Social Media Official

THIS WAS TAKEN FROM MY INSTAGRAM PERSONAL ACCOUNT.

IF YOU’RE NOT FOLLOWING ME, HEAD OVER AND FOLLOW @STEPHHAWES2280

February 27, 2020

Transformation - the act of making a thorough and drastic change.

Just over 2 weeks ago, I had bariatric (better known as weight loss) surgery.

Throughout my life, I’ve always been “morbidly obese,” struggling inside and out. Being bullied for my weight and feeling shame for being the biggest girl in class.

Recently, it was determined that I had some undiagnosed conditions that would decrease my life expectancy so that was the true wake up call that something needed to change.

Me.

So here I am, recovering from THREE separate, yet major procedures and adjusting to my new life. I can’t describe the pain I have been in during this healing process but in the long run, I need to be here. For my family, my friends and most importantly me.

Come along with me on this new path of life. It’s going to be a roller coaster ride!

Green means go

It’s February 11th. The day I have been nervously excited for. The day that I step into the operating room and let my surgeon and his trusty robot cut my stomach down from a closed fist to a ring finger. Let’s not forget the duodenal switch part of it all which is a bypassed channel from the duodenum to my small intestine. And while they’re in there, take out my gallbladder too.

My doctor told me to arrive at the hospital at 5am since I’ll be the first procedure at 7am. The night before, I showered with a special disinfectant soap that smelled horribly medicated to prep my stomach for the incisions it was about to have. With the alarm set at 3:30am, off to sleep I went, which you could imagine was not sound at all. My father came to pick me up since Charles needed to get the kids ready for preschool.

We arrived at the hospital, got checked in and began the waiting game. There were so many nurses that prepared me for my procedure. One little tid bit of information that I failed to get during my entire journey was how long the actual surgery was going to be. Dr. Google had said a couple of hours so I prepped Charles to come to the hospital mid-morning. Then I was floored when one of the nurses commented that they’ll call him in the afternoon. Afternoon? Wait..what? Oh yeah, my surgery was going to be SEVEN HOURS. In hind sight, I guess that makes sense due to the complexity of it all. Yet still, the plan was to release me by the end of the day. Yeah, right. We’ll see about that.

As one of the last nurses comes to see me, she had a distinct French accent, which my dad picked up on. My dad is a badass and speaks a bazillion different languages. When she came back in to see me, my dad started speaking to her in French, which she replied back to him with such excitement. And then there’s me, obliviously and second guessing my decision to choose Spanish as my high school foreign language instead of French.

Then my surgeon comes in to greet me and quickly introduce himself to my dad. Shit’s about to get real. Soon enough, I was whisked away to the operating room. This is it. Truly the point of no return. As I’m laying down on the operating table, I begin to breathe in that good anesthetic air, knowing that I’m coming out the other side a completely different person.

As I wake up from my surgical fog, I’m resting in my prep room with Charles by my side. Everything went well, he said. My mouth is dry and throat is a bit scratchy. I notice how big my stomach is protruding (yay fluids!) I also have several bandages speckling my stomach where little incisions are left underneath.

Soon, a nurse comes in with a tray of plastic shot glasses filled with water. I need to rehydrate myself and drink one glass every couple of minutes. This was a harder task that I’d imagine. While I was under, I had a EGD, an upper endoscopy to see how my esophagus, stomach, and all the upper stuff looks good. Task number 2 was walking back and forth down the halls to prevent blog clots. Charles helps me get up and I slowly truck down the hall with his support. The nurse tells me that as soon as my Doc comes to check in on me to walk the halls with him that I would be released from the hospital.

It’s almost 4 hours after I’m out of surgery for him to see me. He had another surgery after mine that went a little over. We slowly walk down the halls and I get the green light to head home. Waiting there were my twins and my parents. The pain medication is slowly wearing off and I’ve got some on hand to get me through the coming days. I’m on a strict clear liquid diet for the next couple of days. The goal is to be sure I was hydrated and that I was peeing enough.

The first night was hard as I was understandably uncomfortable. The coming days were hard. The pain was still there but the mental pain was what was worst. I wanted to eat. I wanted to drink. I wanted to feel normal again. But all of that takes time and I’m not a patient person. I’ll admit, there were TONS of tears shed during my recovery.

My body may be changing but my brain is really the part that needed to change.

The Day Before the Day Before My Bariatric Surgery

If you’re a Seahawks fan, then you’re in the know about the “Day before the day before” reference. #GoHawks

They say that a picture is worth a thousand words. Seriously, before you embark on ANY type of journey that you are physically changing yourself, you NEED to take a before photo. When my clients start a new skincare regimen, I tell them to take a photo for a baseline so they can see the progress, good or bad. This is a non-negotiable when it comes to weight loss, weight gain, blah blah and more blah.

Why is it so important? Because the scale’s an asshole and if that number isn’t moving in the direction that you want, you become discouraged. It may even cause you to quit altogether.

For me, as I begin this new chapter of my life, I NEEDED TO DOCUMENT WHERE I STARTED FROM. This wasn’t necessarily for me to post on social, but for me to know where I started from to where I’m going and continue to head. So I had my husband take these monumental photos. After I saw them, I was in disbelief - was I really that big? Is this the body that others have seen and called “big boned?” Is this the body that resulted from all of the years of self sabotage, emotionally eating, and continual result of making poor health choices?

This was the body of someone dying for something to change. The body of someone who has felt hopeless, unworthy, and overall sadness. Dying from years of struggling with the number on the scale, size of clothing, and avoided taking photos unless it was the selfie from up high (you know what I’m talking about.)

I had to then dig even deeper within myself to stop the negative self-talk, taking ownership of what has occurred and coming to terms with the decision that I have made. Did this make me feel better? A little bit.

Two more sleeps until I went under the knife and walk out a brand new person or at least an updated version of my old self.

Rounding the Corner

02-02-2020 was significant because it was my 40th birthday, the only palindrome in our lifetime and Super Bowl Sunday. A palindrome is the MM/DD/YY and YY/DD/MM are the same. Neat huh? The last time my birthday fell on Super Bowl Sunday was back in 2014 when my beloved Seattle Seahawks won their first Super Bowl #bestbirthdaypresentever

Knowing that my last doctor’s appointment was the very next day, I had a nice little hurrah for myself. Anything and everything was consumed.

Monday morning comes and I’m sitting in my doctor’s office. Since January’s weigh in, I gained 3 pounds which was obviously from the night before #sorrynotsorry. This was the LAST APPOINTMENT BEFORE SURGERY! This was the day that I needed to make my decision on whether I was going to have the surgery, which bariatric procedure I would have, and sign my life away before they submitted for insurance. There were so many forms to sign. Acknowlegements of the procedure, possible complications, what to expect before, during and after care. And most importantly, the hold harmless to the doctor if anything happens. I jokingly said that I was “signing my life away” which he immediately replied with “No, you’re getting your life back.”

No truer words have ever been said.

They also need payment of my procedure and thank god I have insurance! I was only responsible for the deductible, which was nominal in comparison to the final cost. I was told that they would submit for final approval of my surgery to my insurance. The approval can take up to a couple of weeks but low and behold my approval came in the very next day! That’s unheard of in the insurance world but was I complaining. Not one bit.

It was now time to schedule the day. From our monthly appointments, they said that I would need to be on a full liquid diet for 2 weeks prior to my surgery, the reason being that they wanted my liver to reduce in size so that it’s easier to move around as they’re doing their bariatric magic in ma belly. I’ve heard other surgeons have way different requirements on this pre-op plan, but this was mine. But then it wasn’t.

They told me that the soonest day they could do my procedure was the follow Tuesday. As in 6 days. Clearly not the suggested 14 days that was mentioned before, which I asked about. They said 6 days would be plenty of time to shrink that good ol’ liver. Off I went to the grocery store to stock up on all things liquid: broth, clear soups or at least easy to strain; jello, popsicles, and vodka. Just jokes on the vodka. I’ve got plenty of that at the house lol!

HOT DAMN, IT’S ABOUT TO GO DOWN

What to expect at your monthly bariatric pre-operation appointment

This is my own personal experience. Yours may be completely different. And that’s ok.

You gotta love medical insurance. You have to jump through a bazillion hurdles, get every referral under the sun which will still cost you an arm and leg. This dance doesn’t even mean that insurance will even approve your procedure.

When I started the process, the clinic called my insurance to see what bariatric coverage I had. Hooray for Blue Cross Blue Shield for having great coverage! They covered all of the procedures that my surgeon offered except for one of them.

For more information about the procedures my surgeon offers, please click on the link below:

https://www.centerforweightlosssurgery.com/weight-loss-surgery/

Every month, I would see my surgeon and would have to complete a full health questionnaire. Every. Single. Time. This questionnaire also inquired an example of my daily intake of food, most importantly, the protein amount consumed. My weight and vitals are taken.

From there, the doctor would discuss my weight loss and continue to tell me to continue my “sandwich diet” - switching between a low carb and full on liquid diets to maximize my monthly weight loss. The goal of 10% of my body weight is always addressed and I was slowly chipping away at it.

He would also check how my stomach “squishiness” was. He would push on my stomach to feel my organs to see how pliable they are as an indicator of aiding in the surgery. Smaller and softer organs makes it so much easier.

The following month, wash, rinse, and repeat.

My last appointment was in February 2020. Fun facts about my last appointment: it was on the day after my birthday.

More on that next time.

The Choice is Yours

I didn’t go to medical school. This ain’t medical advice but my own personal experience and opinion

“The choice is yours.” said Dr. Srikanth, my surgeon. He explained to me there were were several bariatric procedures that I could choose to do. The most common procedure most of us have heard before entering into the world of bariatrics is Gastric Bypass. But wait, there’s like a bunch more to choose from!

Every Bariatric surgeon offers most procedures but some require an additional expertise.

Click on the link below to learn more about what my surgeon offers in his practice:

https://www.centerforweightlosssurgery.com/weight-loss-surgery/

I could choose from Vertical Sleeve Gastronomy (VSG), Gastric Bypass (RNY), and Duodenal Switch (DS). He shared the pros and cons with each one. He asked me which one I was leaning towards, which I could change my mind up until when I schedule my surgery. With all of this information, my initial and final decision was Duodenal Switch.

Out of the 3 options, it is the most extreme due to what was all involved along with more side effects that will stay with me the rest of my life. Altered intestinal tract and reduced stomach side aids in optimum weight loss through malabsorption and malnutrition. In simple terms, my body only absorbs about 75% of what I eat and I will need to take a lot of supplements for the rest of my life. From what I’ve heard, this procedure is usually reserved for those with BMI over 50 but since my surgeon said that it’s ultimately up to me since it’s my body and that he would tweak the procedure based off of my lower BMI number.

Nonetheless, I was overwhelmed over all of this. I’m guilty of getting sucked into the Google scroll reading anything and everything that I could find online about it. Dr. Google is scary AF. I read forums, other surgery clinics’ website, and blogs. THIS IS A LIFE CHANGING DECISION and there’s no going back but you can get a revision surgery but that’s when you’ve got major complications with your current one. Perhaps that’s why insurance companies require a mandatory waiting period. I’ll share what my monthly check in appointments were like later.

Until next time..

The Start Line

On October 1st, 2019 - I had a whole gamut of blood work done to see where I’m at currently which was part of my ongoing process to getting approved for bariatric surgery. This was a full panel test showing that my body inside and out was begging for change.

Here goes..

I didn’t make my Asian parents proud by becoming a Doctor (so don’t take medical advice from me) but I worked with a really good one to tell me that I was pre-diabetic, vitamin D and calcium deficient, with a cholesterol problem.

On top of that, I learned that I was in Stage 3 Diastolic Heart Failure. The Cliff Note version is that my left ventricle was hardening up and working harder to pump the blood in/out of my heart. My then 39-year old heart was acting like a 65 year old person’s heart.

Read: I could have had a heart attack at any time and DIED. Stage 3 is reversible but once it hits Stage 4, then it’s the point of no return.

The solution: Losing a crap ton of weight, watch my salt, and take blood pressure medication STAT. Learning about the Diastolic heart failure made everything make more sense about my chest pains, anxiety attacks, and labored breathing that I had been experiencing.

From here, my cardiologist, PCP, and surgeon agreed that I HAD to get the surgery. Any hesitation or doubt that I may have had about getting the surgery was out the window and running into the distance.

If I continued to live my life the way I did and not made any changes, I would surely have died an earlier death and why would I want to leave my family and this world sooner rather than later?

I didn’t. So let’s get this shit on the road..

3 month Post-Op Blood Work Results

Last week I had my 3 month post op blood work check up to see where I was at

Pre-Operative Baseline Numbers

That is a HUGE change in numbers from the scale to the internal numbers!

Weight (61 pounds)

Total Cholesterol (70)

Triglycerides (94)

HDL Cholesterol (9)

LDL Cholesterol (42)

Glucose (19)

Hemoglobin A1C (0.9)

Vitamin D +172.4

Calcium +234.2

After the surgery, I was advised to increase my Vitamin D and Calcium intake. Since those numbers were now very very high, I’ve reduced the quantity. I’ll be having frequent blood work to check my levels. For the 2 years, I’ll have it checked every 3 months and then every 6 months after that for the rest of my life. I will also have frequent bone density scans too.

The purpose of having the surgery is not the actual number on the scale but internally changing so that I can increase my life expectancy. The changes in just months is the VERY REASON why I got the surgery in the first place. I can’t wait to see what the numbers are in August!

The First Step to a New Life

My best friend decided to get bariatric surgery late last year and at her suggestion, I explored the idea of it but not entirely sure if it’s something I wanted to do.

I had been yo-yo dieting for years. I was capable of eating healthily, working out, and losing weight. But something was missing. My life as a whole is stressful. I have a high demanding job working in Investments and Planning, along with starting my own client centered skincare business. My personal life was even more chaotic raising toddler twins, maintaining the home and partnership with my husband. Perhaps the stress and low self esteem caused the emotional eating. Maybe it was even deeper than that. But nonetheless, the weight would ultimately creep back up.

Last summer, my anxiety attacks starting increasing more and more. My pressure in my chest was excruciating. I had a hard time breathing and I was getting more scared for my health. My insomnia was horrible, having to take prescribed sleeping pills just to get some sleep. And the snoring. While I was never diagnosed with sleep apnea, I’m sure that was likely the case.

So I scheduled a free consultation with Dr. Srikanth at Center for Weight Loss Surgery (Federal Way, WA). Here’s the thing - I knew that I was chubby but stepping on the doctor’s scale was the cold water to your face that my weight was out of control.

My weight was 235. It calculated to a BMI of 41.5 and my insurance would approve the bariatric procedure with anything above 40; or 35 with health conditions. That number on the scale SUCKED. Let’s put it into perspective. When I was pregnant with TWINS, I was 240 at the time of delivery (32 weeks). But even with all of this, I still wasn’t convinced that I should actually have the surgery. It felt like I was taking the easy way out and that I wasn’t big enough for surgery. These are the lies that I told myself. The proof was in the numbers - I AM MORBIDLY OBESE.

Ugh, that a tough pill to swallow. But now what? What’s next in this whole process? Well, the doctor told me that they’d run a bunch of tests on me and that I’d have monthly check in’s with them as part of the insurance requirement. I would also have to lose 10% of my body weight. Okay - so that’s 23.50 lbs. I could do that. Right? Better put my money where my mouth is and get to work!

This photo was taken right before my initial consultation (September 2019)

You're a little chubby. Maybe try and lose some weight, m'kay?

Raise your hand if you’ve ever heard this or some variation of this in your life. (Raising hand).

That’s been the story of my life. In my 40 years on this Earth, I’ve been on the chubby side. My mother told me that when I was born, my Doctor told her that I was “going to be big boned.” And so it began..

I was 8 when I went on my first diet. In the world of chips, candy and other various snacks that are in a normal child’s diet, I was forbidden to eat these. I don’t think I ate my first Oreo until I was 10 at a friends house. Cookies and cake outside of birthdays? No way. However my Dad had a sugar tooth and hid his beloved candy bars in the hallway closet, which didn’t take long to find.

My Mom watched me like a hawk when it came to eating. She would serve me a decent sized meal and encouraged me to eat it all because “starving kids in Cambodia.” So I ate. And when I ate something outside of the “approved list” I had to eat it in silence. I had to sneak down to the basement with the contraband and eat. And eat I did.

By the time I was 10, I was chubby. Like really chubby. And that’s when I first remembered being made fun of. I had just moved to a new city and was one of the few Asian kids, I was one of the only overweight kids to boot. I tried so desperately to be accepted and fit into this new environment. Naturally, my desperation reeked like bad B.O. Like a neon sign blinking “Like me. Be my friend. Please. Please. Please.” Yeah, that went over WELL. Then Middle School happened…

Still overweight, I had the biggest crush on a boy who I shall not name because he’s dumb, who knew that I had liked him. He did not feel the same way and instead ridiculed me by leaving a note in my locker with a drawing of a buffalo and the word “Tatonka.” This was the early 90s and Dances with Wolves was a popular movie where the reference came from. And my maiden name is Tong so it could have been the similarity but nonethless, the name stuck all the way through high school, continually breaking down my self esteem and adding fuel to my emotional eating

College and adulthood revolved around binge drinking, late night eats and equally bad decisions. Many of these habits carried into my 30s but then I started to incorporate exercising. I loved getting a great sweaty workout in. CrossFit was my go to and then I started running. So much so that I completed two Half Marathons. Mind you, I was working alot and eating good-ish but the scale just didn’t budge.

I hovered around 200lbs (give or take 10lbs) at any given time. Paleo, Keto, Intermittent Fasting, Low Carb, South Beach, Advocare 24 day challenge, Weight Watchers, and countless other diets consumed me. But the root of all of this was me eating/drinking my feelings. It’s a vicious cycle really. Emotional eating is no joke. No matter your size, emotional eating doesn’t discriminate.

Fast forward to late last year. One of best friends decided to explore bariatric surgery (AKA Weight Loss Surgery). She said to me, “You should really look into it. I know how hard you work out and eat right but the scale just doesn’t budge.” At first, I was like “nah” but then I figured that it wouldn’t hurt to see what’s involved with it. So I scheduled my first consultation and the rest is history.

To Be Continued.