You're a little chubby. Maybe try and lose some weight, m'kay?

Raise your hand if you’ve ever heard this or some variation of this in your life. (Raising hand).

That’s been the story of my life. In my 40 years on this Earth, I’ve been on the chubby side. My mother told me that when I was born, my Doctor told her that I was “going to be big boned.” And so it began..

I was 8 when I went on my first diet. In the world of chips, candy and other various snacks that are in a normal child’s diet, I was forbidden to eat these. I don’t think I ate my first Oreo until I was 10 at a friends house. Cookies and cake outside of birthdays? No way. However my Dad had a sugar tooth and hid his beloved candy bars in the hallway closet, which didn’t take long to find.

My Mom watched me like a hawk when it came to eating. She would serve me a decent sized meal and encouraged me to eat it all because “starving kids in Cambodia.” So I ate. And when I ate something outside of the “approved list” I had to eat it in silence. I had to sneak down to the basement with the contraband and eat. And eat I did.

By the time I was 10, I was chubby. Like really chubby. And that’s when I first remembered being made fun of. I had just moved to a new city and was one of the few Asian kids, I was one of the only overweight kids to boot. I tried so desperately to be accepted and fit into this new environment. Naturally, my desperation reeked like bad B.O. Like a neon sign blinking “Like me. Be my friend. Please. Please. Please.” Yeah, that went over WELL. Then Middle School happened…

Still overweight, I had the biggest crush on a boy who I shall not name because he’s dumb, who knew that I had liked him. He did not feel the same way and instead ridiculed me by leaving a note in my locker with a drawing of a buffalo and the word “Tatonka.” This was the early 90s and Dances with Wolves was a popular movie where the reference came from. And my maiden name is Tong so it could have been the similarity but nonethless, the name stuck all the way through high school, continually breaking down my self esteem and adding fuel to my emotional eating

College and adulthood revolved around binge drinking, late night eats and equally bad decisions. Many of these habits carried into my 30s but then I started to incorporate exercising. I loved getting a great sweaty workout in. CrossFit was my go to and then I started running. So much so that I completed two Half Marathons. Mind you, I was working alot and eating good-ish but the scale just didn’t budge.

I hovered around 200lbs (give or take 10lbs) at any given time. Paleo, Keto, Intermittent Fasting, Low Carb, South Beach, Advocare 24 day challenge, Weight Watchers, and countless other diets consumed me. But the root of all of this was me eating/drinking my feelings. It’s a vicious cycle really. Emotional eating is no joke. No matter your size, emotional eating doesn’t discriminate.

Fast forward to late last year. One of best friends decided to explore bariatric surgery (AKA Weight Loss Surgery). She said to me, “You should really look into it. I know how hard you work out and eat right but the scale just doesn’t budge.” At first, I was like “nah” but then I figured that it wouldn’t hurt to see what’s involved with it. So I scheduled my first consultation and the rest is history.

To Be Continued.