Flawed and Unapologetic.
That’s me in a nutshell. For the longest time, I was consumed with being accepted and fitting into society’s mold of who I should be. I didn’t have blue eyes, blonde hair and a small frame. I am Asian (Vietnamese/Cambodian/French) with black hair, dark brown eyes, and “big boned.” Living in a town with little diversity at the time, I stuck out like a sore thumb.
This feeling on inadequacy contributed to my low self esteem. I never felt like I was good enough. Naturally, I tried to fit in, wanting to be friends with the popular kids and have a boyfriend. But the more I wanted it, the more isolated I felt and filled the void with food.
In my family, we never talked about our feelings and challenges. Culturally, you just don’t share these things because it shows a sign of weakness. You are supposed to be quiet, study a lot, go to school, and become a doctor. Or lawyer. Or both - yes this is a thing. The son of one of my parent’s friends was this miraculous Asian unicorn.
I didn’t have the tools to fully understand and process my feelings. That led to a lot of choices and situations that exposed this vulnerability. I was assaulted on two separate occasions; once in high school and again in my mid-twenties. It wasn’t until the second incident that my then boyfriend “forced” me to go to a therapist because he didn’t know how to “fix me.”
Through talk therapy, I was finally able to unstuff the feelings that were so deeply hidden. To finally break free of the hamster wheel of my choices, but that doesn’t mean that they went away completely.
In my late 20s, I met my now husband Charles and has been one of the best things that ever happened to me. He taught me what true love is. It was built on open communication and we talk the feels. His patience, kindness, and love for me when I can be a real pill deserves the ultimate recognition.
My 30s was the decade of evolution. More years of therapy, life experiences and maturity have made me become the woman I am now. in 2017, I was introduced to Rodan + Fields skincare and partnered with their brand sharing my results with my community. But little did I know that this would be the catalyst of change.
I learned that empowering and uplifting others came naturally to me. Perhaps it was because I just wanted to treat others the way that I (always) wanted to be treated. I wanted to show how amazing each person was. To show support, both big and small. To be more empathetic and less judge-y. But let’s be honest, a little of that can peak through from time to time. I’m learning to forgive more, love harder, and share all facets of me - the good, bad, and in between.
My ultimate goal is to raise my twins with all of the love, support, showing them how spectacular and amazing they are. This is equally important to my friends and family.
It’s okay to be flawed. To show your imperfections and to share your successes when they come. By sharing all of this, you never know how it may impact someone else.