Recently I learned about this thing called “Imposter Syndrome.”
Imposter Syndrome is a real thing and sometimes I struggle with it. It basically means that you feel like a “fraud” when it comes to your representation of who you are. Sort of like the persona is all puppies and rainbows but your life is really chaotic AF. And that people are going to find out the real truth.
The reason why I struggle with it is in this new season of improving myself, inside and out, I’ve been told that I’m “inspirational and motivating.” But I just don’t feel like I am. I’m just waiting for people to see that I’m really not what I’m chalked up to be. I’m no fitness guru, but then I post videos of me working out a ton on social media. I’m no health expert but I’m taking photos of what my daily journey looks like. I post adorable photos of my twins and puppy, sometimes my hubby, when we all know it’s chaos behind the scenes.
When I hear those two words, I have a sense of “yay people like me” and “what are you talking about..me?!?!” I mean, even if you tell me this, if I don’t believe it then it’s not true.at.all. Perhaps it’s all of those years of me dying to fit in and be liked to now being in a place where I am liked but it feels foreign and uncomfortable. But I must maintain this persona because heaven forbid that people change their mind about me and then stop liking me, which is the rationale of 15 year old Stephanie instead of 40 year old Stephanie.
Deep down, I know that I and should never try and portray that level of perfection. I feel like it’s actually worse for my self esteem instead of building it up. And as I venture into a new path of my life, I’m slowly starting to be more accepting of who I am, flaws and all, and not GAF (give a fuck) what people think. Some days I feel like a rockstar and other days, I’m that struggling insecure little girl searching for love and acceptance.
Have you ever felt like you were an imposter? How did you overcome it or how are you working through it? Share your wisdom with me because I’m all ears.